There are a lot of things I can't figure out. Like why everyone thinks that life is about having a good job, a nice house, a family... Sure, if you have all that, then good for you - but life is still, well, life even without those things, right? Sometimes I wish I were more like Ave. As in, we both have dreams, but I'm afraid to go all out and chase them, whereas she's not. Is it because of her upbringing, or the world she lives in, or simply a matter or ability and courage? I think it's the last option. Face it, I'm not a mercenary; I can't really get along on my own, right? Neither am I capable of building a little spaceship or anything like that. Plus, as mentioned above, I don't dare. And I think that's what's most important. There are a lot of things you can only do if you dare to try. And I'm not risking it.

I don't see why people would want to be leaders. I don't; I can't bear the responsiblity. That's a fact that I'm very happy to acknowledge. I snap under pressure, and I know it. But I'm not exactly a follower either. I can't give orders, but yet I can't shut up and take orders. I'm the kind who stands in the background until something goes wrong and then I fix it. Not very useful if nothing goes wrong.

I can't see why people would want to commit suicide. Since when does death help anyone? Fine, so you're sad. If you commit suicide because you're sad, all you do is cause more grief, right? How is that supposed to help?

Why do so many people say that being happy is only important in the later part of their lives? Why are the aspirations of so many so very shallow? I don't question their right to have such aspirations; their lives, not mine. But I just don't understand. Instead of accepting that you don't matter, why not prove to people that you do matter? And if you know what it's like to be treated a certain way, why inflict the same pain on other people? Why is friendship worth nothing anymore? Why do people treat their comrades as only people to be betrayed? Is this supposed to be 'human nature'? I don't think Sephiroth was 'evil'. I think he was a reflection of what could happen to us if we continue the way we do. Shin-ra was a ghastly caricature of the multinational companies today trying to control the fuel prices, wasn't it? Crushing the people who opposed them. Isn't that what could happen? Patrick Zala was a reflection of what could happen, wasn't he? The whole Gundam series - they were all reflections of what could happen, you see? Even Infinite Ryvius. Behind all those frivolous drawings and songs, there was always a message, always a purpose. That was why I always hated it when people said that Gundam 'sucked'. So? Just because you don't see the point doesn't mean there isn't one. Since when is life always about popularity, aesthetics... So what if the art isn't perfect? That's just like life, isn't it? Since when is life perfect?

There are different kinds of intelligence. Some people are smart enough to make money; some people are smart enough not to sell their souls. I think my soul is more important than money, any day. Not that life has left me with much of it.

If this is the way reality has to be, then I don't want to accept reality. Why should I? To survive? Why would I want to survive in such a reality? What's a reality? Maybe it's the place beyond the horizon that none of us can see. Do we really know anything? I don't know. Like I said, I don't even know if whatever I know is real or not. I don't want to accept this. I won't. I don't care who does, I don't care if you do. All I know is, I won't.

All that despite the fact that, behind it all, you have.

And that, eventually, you'll have to. But for now, I suppose it's all right.