Had a great time. Really. I enjoyed walking her to the bus stop, too. Seems we have the same views on smoking. I remember having a nightmare about finding cigarettes in Dad's room. Never happened, though. Right... We watched 7 episodes of Inuyasha. Great, huh? Although sometimes I think my life would be better if people just left me alone. Because then, even without people to cheer me up, there's be nobody to make me unhappy in the first place. But it's a selfish thing to wish for, and anyway I know there are at least three people I'd miss. At least. I know I'll miss brother and Cesar because I do already, and someone else because I have. The rest, I'm not so sure. I know who I won't miss, though. I did before, but they don't really matter anymore. With them or without them, life's still the same. They're just undefinable presences affecting the course of my life, that's all. There's no need to be personal.

I find myself wondering when I'd become like that; not caring for human company, things like that. I don't remember. Or was I always like this? It's funny. When I'm at home, I miss the places I've been to which are far away from home. Yet when I'm overseas, I never miss home. I never miss anything about home. I don't recall missing my parents after the age of eight. They just came and went. It was nothing to me by the time I was ten. Nothing. There was no more excitement when Father was about to come home, no more tears when he left. Sure, his coming home safe was a good thing, but only for my own selfish reasons; only so that my life could continue as it was, undistrupted. When did I become like this; so insensitive?

I wonder where I got so many of my 'weird ideas' from. Were they always there, or did I pick them up, only gradually? Why don't I miss my old schoolmates at all? Even though they made my life difficult, shouldn't I miss their presence just a little bit? But I don't. Have I really learnt to tune all that out? What matters to me now? I don't know. I never cry at touching scenes. I don't get scared during horror movies. In fact, I laugh. How come? I don't know.

What happened? I'm not really like other people anymore, am I? Maybe I never was. I don't know. See, there are so many things I don't know. Things I want to find out. What's 'forever'? I want to know.

Aerin