You can expect me to be very calm about this. It's work, after all, so I must stay calm. I have to say that today's incident wasn't very nice. And by the way, I did have some stuff planned out but nobody told me what to do with the plans so can you blame me for delivering my work late? Normally I wouldn't mind, as you can see from the fact that I didn't blow up at Sam, but when you start contrasting our work to other peoples'... Well, what the hell have they got to do with us? So long as, in the end, everyone gets what they have to do done and everything works, I don't care if we're at gunpoint by the time we're done. In fact, I get the feeling we already are. But then, you don't get anywhere by worrying too much about peoples' feelings, right? So screw diplomacy. And I shan't try to defy destiny this time. I know there's something which is going to happen after all this, and perhaps it's a good thing. Let's see if you can figure this out: Athrun will stop tolerating and take up his sword. I hope it results in something good like in the anime, and that both parties will recover and eventually be reconciliated, but I find that unlikely. And I'm sick of being sandwich filling. This isn't a sudden change of attitude, this is a month's worth of anger and frustration finally finding an outlet. I must say I've calmed down somewhat, however. The initial draft of this was much more of a personal attack. And I must admit that today I failed to separate my personal interests from the interests of the group and my work, and for that I owe both you and myself an apology. I shall refrain from taking sides. But this time, I'll just get out of the way so you can hurl your emotional ammunition at someone else. It hurts, y'know. I just don't make that obvious. Maybe I should put the Bible up as a shield. It is, after all, supposed to be a holy object.

I've learned two things today: Firstly, that individual projects are preferable to group projects because I only have myself to blame if something goes wrong, only myself to credit if things go the way I want, and best of all I don't have to argue with anybody. I don't like arguing, you know? So maybe I should revert to being cold and professional like I always was. Second thing I learnt was that I need to re-learn how to live without people. I thought I could start being social simply because this would be a new environment, but it seems it didn't work out. I should probably just revert to the old system of having one best friend and the rest all acquaintances or enemies. Very limited social circle, but it worked. And I'm pretty sure about who I want to keep. Yes, you noticed, didn't you? I don't develop emotional bonds very easily, and even when I do, I can still discard them without much feeling if they're not fully developed yet.

I've discovered that I still have it in me to get a thrill from competition. I shall curb that urge. It is not a good thing. Oh yes, except for the conflict, today was a really good day. YJ was hyped up for some reason. Probably because she watched Inuyasha over the weekend. And don't you dare accuse her of not taking things seriously. If you do, I'll show you Kurama. He's always smiling, but quite obviously he's being serious as well. We talked about eating Bibles causing indigestion and she said she was so tired she just might fall asleep during track and get sent to hospital or something, and I told her not to do it on the field because then she'd be eating grass, and she said it was okay. But I told her I still thought the Bible was 'holier' food. I don't think she actually did fall asleep, though. Hope she didn't, really.

Deliver fate.

Aerin