I don't seem to get along very well with 'E' personality types in general... As in, they're okay, but I've never met an 'E' who could be my best friend, excepting Tsuyomi of course - and his Extroverted factor is only 1.

Today wasn't a very good day since I had headaches throughout the day until about 4 pm. Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know. I thought it was Math or Chinese but it appears instead that I've overstressed my brain cells and they're taking revenge on me. Today Samantha told me not to sing so loudly outside of the speech room which wasn't something I took very favourably since I wasn't even at one-quarter of my full volume, and that's saying something.

I'm losing whatever patience I had with people in general. I mean, yes, if you're my friend then you obviously haven't given me a good reason to want to get you to shut up, but... Well, what's the definition of 'friend'? Sometimes I wish I could just bury myself in a silent world of books and forget about everything else. YJ said today, 'Whatever happened to TV, and anime, and....' Well, my response is that there's barely anything to watch on TV besides anime which doesn't show when I'm free and which I only watch during the holidays, I don't have an XBox or Playstation so we can't take that into consideration, etc. I don't have a very high threshold for noise. In fact, the TV is usually enough to drive me to distraction. I wind up shouting at my dad to turn the volume down or switch the accursed thing off so I can read. If there's one thing I hate, it's being disturbed when I'm reading or writing. I might forgive you for other things.

Did you hear about the experiment where volunteers were shut into a silent room for a couple of days? The scientists reported that they wound up banging on the walls before their time expired. I, however, believe that I would have enjoyed such an experience very much. I don't think spoken words are really very necessary, but you have to adopt some kind of surface conformity to survive in this society which feeds off nothing but stereotypes, have you not? Thus the fact that I actually have friends and actually talk. I was quite happy being in the library every day with no-one but Cesar to talk to in the old days, I was. Now I start missing people every five minutes.

I suppose it's true that people change - although I'm not sure whether it's for better or worse. It's no blessing and yet no curse; I simply don't know what to make of it. I wish it were possible to survive all by oneself in today's society, but no. It's not what we know anymore, it's who we know. I find that insulting and irritating at best. Many a time I was not sent for a competition I might have won just because I had offended the wrong people with my silence. I don't see what's wrong with not liking to talk - after all, empty vessels make the most noise.

I'm not insensitive just because I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. Mayhaps I'm stronger than you would think it normal to be in certain situations and that is why you call me insensitive? After all, I've failed more often than many, am in more emotional turmoil than many people I know (although I've realised that many good writers have suffered much more than I do, and since my dream is to be a good writer I've concluded that such suffering is a good thing), have more familial and financial troubles than you would think (I can't even talk to my family anymore) and yet I put on a smiling face and go about my business as per normal. You haven't seen me cry yet except for that time in drama class, have you? Is that called being insensitive? Well then, isn't calling someone insensitive just because they don't break down at an obstacle in their path a touch like hypocrisy? After all, it's proof of your own insensitivity. To those of you who think that my good friend is harsh on you, try seeing how harsh she can be on herself. You haven't said any of this to my face just yet, but I believe you did try to imply, and here is my reply: I don't care. You can think anything you like. Why should I bother explaining who I think I am? If you think that I'm an insensitive little bastard, then I'll always be that to you. Who I think I am will never affect who you think I am. The only one who can change what you think would be you, so I shan't bother trying. It's of no consequence to me anyway. So long as I hold true to myself, the rest of the world doesn't really matter. I can't change the way they think, so why worry about things I can't change? I have to thank 'Fiver' for that revelation, and Tsuyomi as well. Tsuyo planted the seed, 'Fiver' gave me the inspiration and the words with which to phrase my idea. I don't know him/her personally, but the story was great, grammatically accurate for the most part and more inspiring/heartwarming than anything I've read online in a while. I really have to thank you for giving me something decent to ponder. I was in a crisis at that time. YJ is another person to whom considerable thanks is owed. You really don't know how much you've helped.

It irks me sometimes, the way people deem whatever isn't like them as freakish, weird or just plain insensitive. Insensitive is the worst, because people who use that word don't know what sensitivity is, or they wouldn't inflict the pain of being called such a thing on any human being. I don't think anyone but Osama bin Laden really deserves that. Even then, he may merely be misguided. Someone will jump up now and tell me that he's a murderer, not misguided. Well then - any of you who have ever eaten anything are indirectly murderers. Whatever you have ever seen on your plate is a living creature that has died for your sake. Do not argue with me that you need it to live. How many of you eat only what you need to survive? Whatever organisms form the excess can be considered to have died for our own selfish desires, just like people all over the world are falling like dominoes for Osama. Humans and animals are on the same level, don't you try to deny it. When it all comes down to the bare facts, we are all merely living organisms who should be able to coexist in peace. But no, we have to fight over our own selfish desires. People say that humans are humans because of humanity - which we don't seem to have. Do you see animals taking more from the earth than they need? And whatever they take, they return in due time - unlike us. People say that money is the root of all evil. Who invented money? Us. Humans. Humanity. I think humanity is the root of all evil, because humanity equals human nature, and human nature equals greed, and selfishness, and all such things. How many of us can say that we are not selfish, can say that we are contented with all we have? If you are not, then you are greedy. To want more than you need to survive is called greed. We all have it, have we not? I've developed a theory for why wars exist: Humanity and peace can't coexist, because humanity equals greed, and with greed there will always be wars. Think about it. Many a conflict has arisen because some monarch wants more power, more land, more wealth, etc. Even more have come about because someone wanted the power of the monarchy for himself. Greed. US and Iraq? Think back on it. Any weapons found? No. So, what was the motive? Again, greed. I'm stating plain facts here, if anyone wants to sue me for it, I'll happily submit to my sentence. If the law is blind enough to persecute someone for telling the truth that nobody wants to hear, then I really have nothing to say.

That somehow turned into a thesis on humanity. I wonder why I always get like that.

Somehow, I feel that I've never been like the majority of people, am not like the majority of people, and will never be like the majority of people. It's something I'm proud of, my way of saying that, no matter what kind of pressure you put upon me to conform, I won't. My way of telling people that I do have a backbone, my way of telling them that, 'on one occassion, [they] might be consummately wrong'. There's something else I'm proud of: being able to function normally with less food, sleep and other essentials than the average person would require. True, I sleep more than, say, Tien or Tsuyomi, but insomnia really is quite a killer. I can lie down at 11 and still be awake at 3. That's how it is. I'm definitely not the worst case I've heard of, but yeah.

That's it. I'm going to stop writing before this turns into a verbal war with people who think I'm consummately wrong. People who believe that all humans are inherently good, etc. I must admit that the 'lone wolf' concept is starting to appeal more than I thought it could.

Good-day.

Aerin