Right. So, tomorrow I'm going to Cesar's house to swim. I forgot how to swim. And I passed my Gold. Oh well. I haven't actually swum since I started preparing for the major exams last year, so what did you expect? And I'm surprised and some of the grammar I'm seeing on American forums. They speak English, don't they? It's even more surprising that someone like me would be the one to spot the errors. Hey, I'm Asian. Hey, my English probably sounds weird to native speakers (at least I'm sure the accent does). Ah well. People have no respect for language these days. Or maybe my expectations are too high. But hey, English is their native language! They could at least speak it properly.

I swear her mom is nuts. Or biased. Most probably both. Hey, Marvin does nasty things to us all the time and she pretends not to notice. Always at her to 'do this', 'do that'. I've never even heard her speak a sharp word to Marvin yet, and boy does he deserve it. You know, sometimes I feel like telling both her parents to shut up and take a look at what's really happening. They keep thinking about what she hasn't done. Okay, sorry, the good she hasn't done and the bad she has. Does it ever occur to them that she hasn't yet chucked a vase in their faces? Does it occur to them that she hasn't told them to 'f*** off'? Because if my parents did that to me, they'd get a whole legion of curses, English, German, Japanese, Russian, Greek and Latin even, falling on their heads. Oh, and a knife in the ribs into the bargain. And does it occur to them that she does help with the chores, teaches her brother, cleans up after Marvin, and helps her grandmother? Probably not. Like I've said before (not in here), sometimes I think that we're just accessories to them, so that they can tell their relatives that, 'Oh, my girl is so intelligent, see, she can do this and that...' A whole pile of bullshit (excuse the language). Take a look at what they say to our faces.

Right. Enough angst, vulgarities and badmouthing people (even though it's the truth). I had a nice sms conversation with YJ yesterday. Mee sua does exist after all. Will never forget that time... "Sir, there's mee sua on your head, sir." Whack. Gangster falls down. After performance - "What the hell? Mee sua? Where on earth did that come from?" (courtesy of our very eloquent Tien). Yeah, and the silly test we did... Kurama knows YJ well, huh? Oh well. She likes him. I told her yesterday she was singing his praises and she said she couldn't actually sing praises. Which is true, and what I was expecting. Not the first time I 'read her mind'. I remember - "'School culture? Oh, you mean Yakult?' 'Ya.'" Anyway, she's extremely creative when it comes to swearing.

Tsuyomi once brought up the horrific prospect of him and YJ dating. Of course, I wouldn't let him touch my best friend (sorry, best school friend, but I will shorten it to 'best friend' for the sake of brevity), but I must admit the thought quite scared me.

Tsuyo-nii and YJ both think of me as a little-sister type of person, and I guess I like that. It's a change from having to look after people, which I must admit has almost always been the case. One reason why I liked Sawa - I didn't have to play big sister. Although I don't like it when they try to do stuff themselves. It's as difficult for them as it is for me, never mind that I'm quite a bit smaller, etc.

Oh well. Someone tell me what MAR is? I have an idea, but it seems YJ is having her senile dementia again (another inside joke). Can't seem to remember what she told me about it...

Okay. Got to do stuff for my mother again.

Signing off,
Aerin

Well. Long time no see, I guess.

I had my piano lesson today, and it went fine... only I ran into someone my age who was taking her diploma. Imagine my embarrassment. Oh well.

Not much to say, really, only that Cesar's brother is getting on my nerves. I finished a story yesterday. More of a fanfiction, really, but all the characters are original. I just borrowed the Gate concept. Another anime which makes sense but isn't widely appreciated for various things like 'the art isn't good enough', 'the Invader thing is lame' and simply 'how do I understand it?'. The Gate is a pathway to tomorrow, and the Invaders sort of represent the bad things in our lives. The Gate gets rid of them, but it requires sacrifice from the user. So the message is: to open the gate to a better tomorrow, you have to make some sacrifices and actively try to remove the bad parts of you. And the Invader crystal thing could possibly represent turning over a new leaf, and the fact that a lot of people think it's not possible.

Great. I'm practically living in cyberspace. Well, it's comfortable, at the very least.

See you,
Aerin

Well, long time no see.

I got a new email (not telling you what), did a few stories and am currently doing another one which doesn't yet have a title.

Now on to the more important things.

Ugh, I think some people have mental problems. Danielle (Cesar, take note, remember who she is?) actually arranged the class party and made changes on the day itself because of her own personal commitments. Hello? Since when did her commitments have anything to do with us. She forgot about something, her business. Don't drag us into it, period.

I lent my GBA to Cesar... Her brother is disobeying my explicit instructions to not touch it. Then her dad says that since she won't let him touch it, he'll buy M. a GBA SP. Which is not fair, because it's my GBA and I was the one who said he couldn't touch it and it has nothing to do with Cesar. So, yeah.

It irks me sometimes to find how little they really understand us. Caring is more than feeding and clothing a child; any random stranger on the street could do that. It's the select few out there who can listen to us and make us know that we've been heard and understood. It's the select few out there who don't make unreasonable demands of us. Wonder why I like Tsuyo-nii so much? Well, then take a look at who he is and who you are. There's a reason for the things I do and the things I feel, y'know.

I don't know why I'm so disappointed, really. Like Rosegirl18 once said, a parent's responsibility is only to make sure that a child has enough to eat and clothes to wear. Love is a definite bonus, but nobody is legally obliged to love us, right? 'Parent', like 'soldier' and 'patriot', is just a group of alphabets arranged and then given a meaning by whoever it was. It means nothing in itself - it's just a term in the lawbook.

All in all, this world is screwed beyond screwed. Excuse the language, but it's already a lot cleaner than the alternative.

Oh, and does it occur to you that the end of the world has happened before? Dinosaurs probably thought it was the end of the world when they died out. At any rate, it was the end of the world as they knew it. And there will always be something left over even at the end of the world, because I haven't yet seen anything that can cause space to cease to exist except a black hole, and a black hole is an object. So, the world will never end because there will always be something left over or something like that. Estelle's thoughts, not mine.

And for those of you who are wondering about the url, yeah... I guess I got too absorbed into the new GSD fic.

Right. Oh, I really like the Astray Red Frame.

Signing off,
Aerin

*sobs*

This is so sad! It's barely been a year and we're going to split up already... *cries some more, savagely tears at tissue box*

It's a tragedy. No more listening to YJ's weird jokes every day, being told that I look miserable sitting alone (which is, by the way, the exact opposite of the real situation), etc. etc. There are just a few select people whom I'll really miss very much (you can guess who), so it's not that bad, but I hate changes. Imagine. One year of...what...less than three quarrels (actually, that's pretty pessimistic, I don't think we argued once), a couple of debates, and BANG. New class, new people, more introductions, more hand-shaking, less weird jokes and ultimately less laughter. YJ says she took one year to get used to us, but I don't think I'm even halfway there yet. Then again, I've never been halfway near reading all of my classmates, and I've never been nearer fully reading a person. Or maybe that's because I just didn't bother. Like I said before, Cesar is a friend, yes, the kind you can talk with, joke with, play with, but when something happens you don't particularly want to tell her. It's rather different.

Tien cried today. I didn't, but it was quite bad enough. I got a hug from YJ (because I asked) and gave one to Tien. Waah. Now I'm at it again. I don't want to find another person I can call a 'best friend' in RGS. Oh well. At least there's always recess (what if we don't get the same timings?), going home (although no more pre-arranged 'walks' to the bus stop) and later on OBS in Sec Three if we're really lucky.

Today choir wasn't so bad. We learnt 'Ave Maria', basically 'Hail Mary' if you didn't know. There were only three functioning people in our part, though, so we had to sing pretty loudly... I actually like this song. Okay, maybe it's because I find the pitching easier to get than in 'Spiritu Sancto'.

I was really surprised when I found out I got 88% for the WGP, lol. But not so when I only got 60% for the other one. Nor am I surprised that less than half the group thought to give me much consideration. You see, there are 5 people in the group. Peer evaluation is upon 4. So altogether 20. I only got 50%, so 10 out of 20. 10 minus the three YJ gave me (thanks for being generous, I know you always are) is 7. 7 divided by (5-1) equals 1, remainder three. And I know nobody gave me a four, because I'm not worth it. That means that I probably got three ratings of 2 and one rating of 1. Or one of three, one two, and the other two 1s. Either way not very nice. But never mind. It's over and I never want to do a group project again anyway, not even with YJ. And hey, thanks for always believing.

Hm... Kind of reminds me of Drama Nite skit. Never mind, stop thinking about it.

You know, we are both INTJs, but there're plenty of differences all the same. She's the kind of person whom people take a while to get used to, but when they do they find that they like her. As for me, I don't like people in general and I don't care if they don't like me, with a few notable exceptions. Books are way more interesting. Speaking of that, I have a book shortage. And inspiration shortage.

In all my family, I'm about the only one who studies the way I do. Others either don't or do it, but not so well. I find it embarrassing. People start saying that their dad wants to do a PhD, and all I have to say is that my parents are both Chinese-ed (embarrassing in itself), that my dad only has a degree (and in engineering, of all things), can't speak English much better than a Primary Three kid and that my mom only has a diploma, again in engineering. And then they start talking about the study room and having books under the chairs, stairs etc. and how annoying it is, while I resist the urge to tell them that I don't even have two shelves full of books. I consider that rather pathetic. And then there is the thing about me not getting into GEP. And not getting GPA 4s for anything this year. It doesn't seem to be in the genes anyway. People in GEP usually have parents with Bachelor degrees in something or other. Ugh, this is pathetic. I wonder why my cousins can't get it into their heads to stop bawling the way they do and start discovering the joys of reading. Interesting people mostly come from books. Either that or books come from them. Again, there are exceptions. Although, yes, Tien, YJ and Tsuyo all write well. It suddenly occurs to me that Cesar is rather run-of-the-mill, but anyway she's still my best friend.

I need more books in the house. I mean, really.

*sighs*

My mom is threatening to redefine 'blitzkrieg' if I don't go eat dinner, so I'll be seeing you.

Aerin

I swear my birthday is jinxed. If it's not the Math exam, it's the Science exam. And if it's not that, I either get no cake or a cake I don't like, same ol' presents, birthday money that inevitably goes in the bank, and a whole truckload of stuff I don't want to do. This year there was Drama Nite, poetry appreciation and choir.

First the poetry. It wasn't too impressive. And that teacher... She is lucky I did not just stand up and say: 'Fine. I hate poetry. It's no business of yours. If you want to hear it, I'll say it: I'll throw all my CDs out the window, I'll destroy the radio, I'll scrap the TV forever, I'll crush my mp3 player and I'll never listen to music again of my own accord. So shut up.' And it would be true. I've done so much singing that everything sounds the same, the least whisper gives me a damned headache, and I never want to see a music score or hear another note again. And she just had to go insult everything connected to us, didn't she? Well, I don't have a freakin' maid. Two, I don't even talk to my parents unless I have to and, if we're in a bad mood when we get home, well...whose fault is that? If we've been too academic and have no social awareness and whatnot, whose fault is that? Who the damned hell is frying our brain cells every day and still has the gall to extend our school year? No, she is not just lucky that I did not talk back. She is just lucky I haven't formulated 10001 ways to kill her yet. And that was not a typo. It was meant to be 10001.

Then Drama Nite. Why the hell is it Drama Nite? Why not Drama Day? Why so late? Do they think all our parents have cars or what? I just got home, okay? What, we don't need to sleep? Freakin' look at us. Hey, just take it as a gift for the year and give us a decent night's sleep for once. And what is the point of this thing again? I've done enough Literature for a lifetime, thanks. Please don't get me so fed up with the intricacies of the English language that I refuse to touch a book or say a word ever again. Believe me, it's happening. I haven't read anything except Artemis Fowl - and only because I have to return it - since last week. Tch. Keep on like this and... Even I don't want to think about it. Best case scenario is that I go nuts. Worst case scenario is I got nuts, start murdering random people, get locked up in prison, and kill myself. I swear I need to see someone for anger management. I'm not a shrink, and my regular isn't online right now. Nor should he be. He should be sleeping or at school, even if I'm not.

Right. Choir. The most draining part of the day. Well, I understand we did stop early, but if you do the Math, you'll realise we've already paid the time back, so why... Oh, forget it. We're having a competition, I know. But what kind of situation calls for a full day's practice? Okay, so next week people get to go shopping, we get to sleep on our feet in the CO room. Wonderful. I'm tired, dammit. I know the seniors are too, and I admire their tenacity, but I am tired, and I am not going to Prague so I don't know why the hell I bother. I skip a lot less than other people, in case they don't notice. I should change my name to 'tired', then maybe they'd notice and stop pushing it. And this to YJ: It's different from running. There's no adrenaline rush at all. You're just standing there and singing at the top of your lungs, which results in extreme fatigue and breathlessness later. And stomach cramps. Which I'm having now. In fact, singing is like running, only you're standing still. And that gets kind of boring. Plus, when you practice a song every week, three times a week, for three months, you get sick of it.

Okay, and I'm not blaming you guys since I forgot your birthdays too (as in, YJ and Tien), but I did find it a touch disappointing that, like, even my parents didn't seem to remember it was my birthday. My uncle definitely didn't. I don't know what's wrong with Cesar, but never mind. And, as usual, nothing is coming from my father's side of the family. And they dare to show me off to friends. Tch. I'm not part of their family, thank you. I don't care what the law says. To me, my family is me, Mom, Dad, Grandma, the kids, and my aunt. The rest could die out and I doubt I'd notice. I only see them three times a year anyway.

Yes, yes, Aerin is fed up today. I nearly said the 'f' word on the way home. Damn it. RGS school life is screwed. Okay, I shall try to refrain from cursing at everything within sight. Breathe in, breathe out... Heck, it's not working. I'm not even sure I want it to work. I'm not even sure I want to wake up tomorrow. I'm not even sure I want to be alive right now.

Parents. Stop harping at me. You're irritating. I didn't ask to be born, so don't try to feed me that. Tch. Sound shouldn't exist. Except maybe for music, like Bandari or something.

I'm going to hibernate this weekend. I assure you I can sleep for 30 hours straight now. I fell asleep in the foyer, lol.

Great. I hate getting angry. Ahh... Okay, quote of the day:

'So ist das Lieben - hart aber dafur germain.'

That's 'Such is life, hard but mean' in German.

Right. Gute nacht.