Hey. Today I made a detour to Redhill MRT and still got back home in one hour. That means when I have the same free days as you-know-who (which is really rare, thus I should take advantage of the few times it happens) I should be able to go back part of the way with her.
I don't have much to say today because I said it all on the way home. Maybe I write so much because otherwise I don't really have a way to talk.
I suppose it's just as Atticus Finch says, that most people are really nice when you really see them. Look past the noise and the craziness, and everyone I know from RGS is a wonderful person. Less can be said for the people I knew in primary school - so much less, in fact, that there's no point mentioning anything at all - but I don't quite want to believe
they are "most people". And if they are, so what? In the end, it doesn't matter; the most important critic is always yourself. They can say what they like but so long as it's not true it can't hurt you.
People are always going to think what they want to think and believe what they want to believe, no matter what you say or do, so you'd be better off saving your breath, I think. It doesn't matter if their beliefs are wrong or hypocritic because in the end they are the ones who lose out. There are some anti-abortion people who can be sucking out the remains of a largely-undeveloped fetus one day and be back at their campaign the next. That's part of the reason why I don't like it when people talk to me about moral issues. I know I have close to zero morality (if you take the word in any religious sense) and I know many people do, and there's no changing it so why the hell bother? Most of the people who argue with me about it don't really know what they're talking about anyway. (I have nothing against discussing it in Philosophy; that's one of the few times everyone actually makes sense.) I don't tell them to shut up but I can do worse.
I'm not sure if there's a point in the exchange of opinions, but maybe people like to argue so much that we should just let them.
Do you know that my favourite landscape in the whole world is the snow? No mountains or anything. Just snow. White, dark, cold.
Quiet. To a certain extent, all I want is for the world to shut up and leave me alone. There are just a few select persons (there aren't enough for me to say "people") whom I cling to; the rest are just passing acquaintances. Given enough time I'll forget they even existed. But for those very few persons, well, let's just say that when I do cling, I cling
a lot, and that even though I don't love many people I have a lot of love to give.
Speaking of loving people, did you know the worst nightmare I ever had (yes, I actually did dream about this) is seeing my closest friends (or friend) cry? With Tien it's normal, with Cesar it's normal, so I suppose the person I'm really talking about here is YJ. Her crying would be out-of-this-world in a very bad way. It'd mean tragedy because, while some people cry about anything under the sun, she certainly does not. And I don't ever want any of the people I love to have to go through a tragedy.
You know, I really have to thank some of these people, perhaps especially YJ and Tsuyomi. In a way, they've made me the person I am right now, because if not for their always being there to support me, I'd be just like the people I despise so much: conformist, materialistic, overly emotional. If not for their always being there, I'd have faced the same immense pressure to change as many people are facing now. But I don't love society in a whole, and I only ever change myself for the people I love. The trouble is that the only person I
used to love (in a platonic sense) was Cesar, and
she is conformist. Would I have changed myself for her? I think so. Now, however, I'm just the way I was in P6, not knowing about societal norms and not caring. Why is that? I don't know about you, but I think it's because I had this person next to me who really didn't care about such things. I
couldn't change, could I?
I've changed a lot this few months. It may not be apparent to you, but it certainly is to me. I'm tired. Very lonely and very tired, of just about everything except reading and talking to people who actually interest me - not that I talk a lot. But I smile more than ever, don't I? I don't know why. Maybe it's to make people feel better? Possible. Or maybe it's my warped theory that if I
act happy, then no-one need ever know I'm unhappy, including myself, and I
will be happy. Don't bother trying to understand; it's twisted logic. It's all I have, however. I'm not going to change. Changing would make things easier for me, but it's out of the question. I'm not everyone else and I refuse to be. "I'd rather be anything but ordinary, please."
To conclude, here's a song for Cesar. Obviously I didn't write it, but I feel it's appropriate. Credit goes to Avril Lavigne for having attitude (in the first part of her singing career.)
"Complicated"
Uh huh, life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
Cause life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is
Chill out whatcha yellin' for?
Laid back it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're talking to me one on one but you've become
Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn into honesty
And promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
You come over unannounced
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
Where you are ain't where it's at you see
You're making me
Laugh out when you strike your pose
Take off all your preppy clothes
You know you're not fooling anyone
When you've become
Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn into honesty
And promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
Chill out whatcha yellin' for?
Laid back it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're talking to me one on one but you've become
Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn into honesty
And promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn into honesty
And promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
